


Till Victory

by visionshadows



Series: Her Journey Bright and Pure [21]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 2010 Winter Olympics, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Routine, Superstition, The Golden Goal, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-31
Updated: 2013-08-31
Packaged: 2017-12-25 05:42:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/949305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionshadows/pseuds/visionshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Vancouver Olympics. The Golden Goal. Or how Sidney Crosby learned to trust Jonathan Toews with her virtue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Till Victory

Sidney really didn’t know much about Jonathan Toews other than the times they played each other. It wasn’t as often as teams in her division, but she knew Toews was good, fast, and played very hard. This was the first Olympics for the both of them and they had the expectations of a whole country on their shoulders. It was Vancouver. The Canadians had to win.

Now she knew that Jonny did 150 pushups every morning wearing only boxer briefs in the middle of their shared living area and had a tendency to walk around in a towel for a long time after a shower. Also he was kind of hot and Sidney was not prepared to deal with any aspect of her libido during the Olympics no matter how many condoms they gave out in the Olympic Village. 

(When she had visited Geno in the Russian dorms, Ovechkin was blowing up the condoms to hang in their shared room. Geno naturally looked aggrieved and kept asking Gonch if he could sleep on the couch in his and Kovalchuk’s room. 

So far he’d been entirely unsuccessful and Sidney had to leave him there with Ovi singing songs in Russian and doing anything he could to annoy Geno.)

On the third night, Jonny had approached her, looking kind of embarrassed. Which of course made Sidney assume that Jonny was going to point out something she had done or he had noticed that didn’t add up. She really hoped it wasn’t about the polish on her toes because that was not going to get changed. It had taken three tries to do the maple leaf on her big toes.

“Hey,” Jonny said, rubbing the back of his neck. “You think I could maybe have the room tonight?”

Sidney blinked at him. “For what?”

“So I can have company.”

“Why do I have to leave for you to have company?” asked Sidney. “You have your own bedroom.”

“I plan to have sex and I’d really rather you not be here,” Jonny made a face. “It would be weird.”

“We have a game in the morning,” Sidney protested. “How can you have sex the night before?”

“It’s kind of a routine that I have. I’ll be fine for the game.”

There was a knock on the door and Sidney moved to open it just to escape from the conversation. Patrick Kane was there wearing his USA jacket and carrying a laptop and DVD. 

“Hey Sid,” Kane said, stepping into the room. “I brought that movie you wanted to watch, Jonny.”

Jonny squeezed the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “I told you to wait until I called you.”

Sidney shut the door and stared at them in horror. “You’re sexiling me for Kaner? He’s the enemy!”

“You told him I was coming over for sex?” asked Kane, slapping Jonny upside the head. “We said movie. That’s what we came up with so he would leave and go visit Flower or someone.”

“I don’t like lying,” Jonny protested. “Yes Sid, I’m asking you to leave so I can have sex with Kaner because we have sex before every game we play and it’s a routine and we kind of have to do it.”

“Besides, I bet Geno can get Ovechkin out of their room so the two of you can have an Olympics hook-up too.” 

Sidney stared at Kane. “I don’t have sex with Geno. He has a girlfriend.”

“Really?” Jonny looked surprised. “I could swear you guys have been together for ages.”

“I think I would know if I was dating Geno,” Sidney said stiffly. She looked between them. “I’m coming back in two hours.”

“Thank you,” Kane said happily. “I’ll make sure Jonny clears out one of these nights so you can have the room to yourself. And Geno.”

Sidney wanted to punch him in his stupid cocky face. Instead she grabbed her jacket and phone, slamming the door behind her. Stupid hot tears burned behind her eyes and she pulled on her jacket, shoving her toque on her head. She was not going to let Patrick Kane make her lose it. 

It was cold outside in the Olympic Village, but then again it was Vancouver and she’d been in Vancouver in the winter many times. It was early enough that people were all around. Night events were going on and Sidney shoved her hands in her pockets and kept her head down as she wandered. 

She ducked into a coffee shop that had been set up and grabbed a hot chocolate. “Sidney?”

Sidney looked over and saw Hossa sitting there with a cup of tea and a magazine. He gestured to her to join him and after a moment she did. She liked Hossa and missed him on the team. He hadn’t even been there for a full season, but he was a steady, calming influence. 

“Game night,” Hossa said after a moment. “You’re rooming with Jonny?”

Sidney nodded slowly, but she kind of understood. Hossa was a Blackhawk now. He probably knew what Jonny got up with before games with Kane. 

“I’d say come visit Slovakia but Zdeno would not like that,” Hossa said easily. “They are young. They probably don’t realize that asking you to leave is just as much a disruption of your routine as it is helping them with their routine.”

“They think I’m sleeping with Geno,” Sidney blurted out, having no idea why she was telling Hossa that. “I’m not. I don’t do that.”

Hossa looked at her consideringly. “To be honest, I thought you were dating him as well. Geno sure acts like he’s dating you.”

“He has a girlfriend,” Sidney sighed, looking down at her hot chocolate. “He and Oksana have been together for years now.”

"Are you gay?" asked Hossa curiously. 

“Does it matter?” asked Sidney stiffly, crossing her arms over her chest. “Because I like you, Hoss, but I don’t know you well enough to talk about it.”

“Fair enough,” Hossa shrugged. “I was just curious. There’s a lecture that Flower, Tanger, Max and Gonch give the new players about you and that’s part of it.”

Sidney nodded. “I know about the lecture. I told them they don’t need to do it, but apparently they still do.”

“They care and they’re trying to protect you as best they can.” Hossa finished his tea, setting the mug down. “I must be going. Try not to get too mad at Kaner and Tazer. Kick Tazer out at some point just to make a point.”

Sidney smiled at that and nodded. “Yeah, I’ll do that. Thanks, Hoss.”

“Bye Sidney,” Hossa said, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly before heading out. Sidney watched him go, reaching for the magazine he was reading. She made a face when she saw her own face staring back at her. That was not what she needed right now. 

She needed Geno if she wanted to be honest with herself. Or Flower. Someone on her team that would not look at her oddly because she was kicked out of her room. Someone who wouldn’t think it was silly that her routine was screwed up and now she was sitting around at 10pm drinking hot chocolate instead of stretching and going over plays for the morning.

But Geno had routines and Flower had routines and she didn’t need to screw up their routines because Jonny and Patrick screwed up her routine for their stupid routine so instead she finished her hot chocolate and waited out the two hours.

 

They won their games until they lost against the United States. Sidney watched as Jonny shook Kane’s hand, his expression stoic in defeat. Kane looked almost sorry to have beaten them. 

That night Kane didn’t come around. It ended up being her and Jonny in the living room, drinking beer and watched tape. He was still pissed off judging by the tense shoulders and fingers tapping against his thigh. 

Sidney sighed and leaned forward to grab another beer for the both of them. When she sat back, Jonny was staring at her with an odd expression on his face. 

“What?” asked Sidney self-consciously.

“Is the nail polish a superstition?” asked Jonny.

Sidney looked down at her feet, the red and white polish starting to wear off. She would need to redo them before the quarterfinals started. “Kind of.”

“Does it work?”

Sidney shrugged. “To be honest, I always wear it unless I have sandals on. I don’t need that bit of weirdness to get out.”

“So you don’t know if it’s the polish or not when you win?” Jonny tilted his head a little, still looking at her. 

“A girlfriend did it when I was at Shattuck and we won,” Sidney said with a shrug. “So I kept wearing it and I kept winning. So even when we lose, I have it on because I think it’s going to help me win next time.”

It was kind of the truth. It wasn’t really a superstition like her other rituals but it was important. It was that one little truth about herself that she was showing. When it wasn’t on, she felt off. 

“Can you paint mine?” asked Jonny. “We need all the luck we can get.”

Sidney coughed, the sip of beer she’d been drinking going down the wrong way. “Sure. I need to redo mine anyway.”

“Team Canada colors.” Jonny nodded firmly. “Do I need to do anything to my feet before you paint them?”

“Probably not. Let me see them,” Sidney said, setting her beer down. 

Jonny pulled off his socks and turned to face Sidney, pulling his feet up on the couch for her to look at them. He had huge feet and long toes. He could do with having his toenails cut, but it wasn’t absolutely necessary. 

“They’re fine. Go wash your feet though. I’m not touching your feet after you had wool socks on.”

“My feet get cold,” Jonny protested but got up to go into the bathroom anyway. 

Sidney went into her room and dug out the well-hidden bottles of polish. Some people hid sex toys and condoms. Sidney hid nail polish and lip gloss.

Jonny was already sitting on the couch when Sidney came back out. “All clean. How do you want me?”

“I’ve never painted anyone else’s toes,” Sidney admitted, sitting on the couch again. “I guess put your foot in my lap.”

Jonny and Sidney both shifted so Jonny’s foot was in Sidney’s lap. She started with the red, going slowly and trying not to make a mistake. 

“I’m sorry that I’m throwing you off your routine,” Jonny said after a minute. “Hoss told me I’m being a jerk.”

Sidney shrugged a little. “My routine is thrown off just by being here.”

“Do you need time with Geno?” 

Sidney sighed and looked up at Jonny. “Geno is my friend. I am really not dating him. His girlfriend is here right now.”

“I believe you. I just thought he might be able to settle you down. You’re really kind of on edge all the time now.”

Sidney pursed her lips, staring at Jonny’s toes. “I’m not playing well.”

“You are. You’re just not getting points,” Jonny said matter-of-factly. “It’s okay because when teams are paying attention to you, it leaves the rest of us open.”

Sidney reached for the white polish, doing the opposite nails now. “Whatever helps Canada win is worth it. I can keep on being the target.”

“I don’t want to lose to Kaner again,” Jonny said quietly, sadly. “It doesn’t feel good.”

“Losing never feels good.”

“Have you ever played against Geno before?” asked Jonny.

“World Juniors but that was before he was Geno. He was just Malkin. It’s hard playing against your friends especially your old teammates,” Sidney said to him, reaching up to squeeze Jonny’s knee. “You’ll get used to it.”

“I’d rather not,” Jonny admitted. “Not when it’s Kaner.”

“So you and Kaner...” Sidney trailed off a little, waving her hand. 

“Me and Kaner?”

“How long have you been dating him?” asked Sidney. “And how does it affect being his captain?”

“We’re not dating each other. We date other people and have sex with each other before games,” Jonny said easily. “It really is just a game ritual.”

Sidney looked at him oddly. “And the people you date are okay with that?”

“It’s just sex. If we date someone who doesn’t get it, we don’t date them long. Most girls are fine with it when we explain what it is.”

Sidney shook her head. “And I thought I was weird.”

Jonny laughed. “No one is weird like you are, Sid.”

Sidney gave a self-deprecating laugh. “You have no idea, Toews.”

 

Sidney fussed with her left skate, frowning down at it. They had ice time before the Womens hockey final tonight. It wasn’t anything formal, just making sure they were all loose for tomorrow night’s Mens final.

“Skate being bad?” asked Geno calmly. 

Sidney looked up in surprise to see Geno leaning calmly against the railing, dressed in his Team Russia tracksuit. He had been sulking after Russia was eliminated and she hadn’t even seen him since then so Geno being at the rink was a surprise. A very welcome surprise.

“The edge doesn’t feel right,” Sidney replied, smiling at him happily. “I didn’t expect to see you.”

“If Russia not win, maybe okay Canada win,” Geno said, reaching out with his fist. She brought hers up as well, bumping their knuckles together lightly. “Okay for Sid to win.”

“Thanks,” Sidney said, shifting over so he could sit. Geno bumped his shoulder against hers lightly. 

“Let me see skate,” Geno said, patting his leg. Sidney carefully swung her foot onto Geno’s thigh. He bent over and peered intently at her skate, turning her ankle to get a better look at the edge. “Look okay. Tighten back a little maybe.”

His fingers tapped the back of the skate, just above the blade. Sidney watched him, his long fingers sliding over the toe cup and then across the side to cup the back of her ankle. “You going to win.”

Sidney swallowed a little thickly, feeling overwhelmingly turned on watching Geno practically fondle her skate. He was watching her seriously, his gaze heavy. “I will.”

“Good,” Geno said, squeezing the back of her ankle. He moved her leg back to the ground, leanging forward to rest his forearms against the railing. “We watch Womens final tonight?”

“You mind sitting with the rest of Team Canada?” asked Sidney. 

Geno chuckled and shook his head. “No. Seryozha and Sanja with me. Think Team Canada deal with Ovi?”

“We deal with him during the season,” Sidney said with a shrug. “We can deal with him tonight.”

“Good. I come find before game. Go skate. Edge fine.”

Sidney got up and stepped back onto the ice, stick in hand. “Thanks, Geno.”

Geno smiled back at her, his eyes crinkling up. “Go get gold, Sid.”

 

It was all a blur in the end. Overtime and then shooting the puck at Miller, only knowing it got in when the buzzer went off. Teammates were everywhere and the Canada Center was deafening. The last gold medal of the 2010 Olympics was theirs. 

Jonny slammed her into the boards, Iggy piling on top of him. Sidney laughed and screamed in happiness. The next thing she remember was skating with the Canadian flag, the entire stadium still screaming. 

And then there were medals hung around their necks and Jonny was hugging her and she was kind of turned on because this was possibly the best thing ever and she had to squirm away from him in case he noticed. 

Back in the locker room, she hugged everyone, stripped out of her hockey gear like the rest of them, doused in champagne and wearing gold medals and Team Canada gear. This was even better than winning the Cup. Because it was for Canada. 

“God,” Jonny said hours later, his expression soppy and obviously drunk. “This is the best night ever.”

Sidney laughed, just as drunk as him and flopped onto a couch, surrounded by equally drunk teammates from both their team and the Womens gold medal team. “It was totally the nail polish.”

Jonny laughed and squirmed onto the couch next to her, draping his large body over hers. “I could kiss you for the polish and that fucking goal, Sid.”

Sidney pushed at him half-heartedly, barely caring that he was all over her. She heard Seabs let out a wolf-whistle and Duncs tell them to get a room. She flipped them off and pushed at Jonny’s head. 

“He deserves a fucking blowjob for that goal,” Nash said from behind the couch. “Anyone want to blow Sid for that amazing goal? Ladies? Gentlemen?”

Sidney’s stomach clenched at the thought of someone blowing her. She’d had precisely one blowjob and it was horrifying and she’d cried. She started to shake her head, staring at Jonny in fear. 

“No, no, no,” Sidney murmured and Jonny caught her gaze. He gave her a quick nod. 

“I got this one.” Jonny got up and grabbed Sidney’s hand, pulling her to her feet. The wolf-whistles were piercing as Jonny winked at everyone, getting Sidney out of the room quickly.

The next thing she knew they were in their room and Jonny had locked the door. He didn’t move towards her, a bottle of vodka in his hand. 

“Hey,” Jonny said after a moment. “I’m not going to blow you.”

“Thank you,” Sidney said, sitting down on the couch heavily. “I can’t.”

“I figured that out pretty quick. You turned white as a sheet at Nash’s suggestion.” Jonny took a swig of the vodka, holding it out to her.

Sidney took it with trembling fingers. She took a long drink, the burn making her wince but she kept swallowing. She wanted to pass out, forget this part of the evening, and wake up in the morning with a hangover and a gold medal. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Jonny, trepidation in his voice.

“Not especially,” Sidney said, handing the bottle back to him. “I say we finish that and go back to the party and pretend that you blew me. I’ll tell everyone you were amazing.”

Jonny let out a sigh of relief. “Deal. And hey, no one can make you do anything, okay. I get there’s a thing,” he waved his hand a little. “with you and sex. So if you know, someone did something in the past. That’s not cool.”

Sidney looked at him, her expression blank. “Yeah, I know how to say no. Let’s go back to not talking about it and get completely blackout drunk.”

“That’s a totally excellent plan,” Jonny said, grinning as he handed over the bottle again. “We won gold medals today.”

“Fucking right we did,” Sidney said, taking a long drink. She was going to have to tell Geno how well she was doing with the vodka. He’d be proud. “You’ll get laid over this, right?”

“Not by Kaner, but oh yeah. I can work this,” Jonny said easily. “Everyone on this team is going to get massively laid because of their gold medals. Well, except you but that’s by choice.”

“Exactly. No sex for me.”

“What a shame. You’ve got an ass to die for.”

Sidney flushed and coughed on the vodka before handing it to Jonny. “I’ve been told that before. My ex was fond of it.”

“Ah so you do have sex stories. I knew that you had hidden depths.”

“No sex stories. I’m not into sharing,” Sidney said, standing up. She swayed a little. Okay maybe she wasn't handling the vodka as well as she thought. “Fuck I need to eat something.”

Jonny looked at the clock. “I think we’ve been here long enough. Let me just rub at my mouth a bit.”

Sidney watched as Jonny scrubbed at his mouth, trying to make his lips red. She shook her head. “Oh come here already.”

Jonny looked at her quizzically, his eyes widening as Sidney pulled him into a kiss. They made out for a minute or two before Sidney pulled back. “Okay that looks better.”

Jonny licked at his lips, staring at her. “Yeah, give me a minute. You’re good at that.”

“I like kissing,” Sidney said easily. “I just don’t like anything after that.”

Jonny shook his head and handed the last of the vodka over. “You’re going to make someone very lucky someday.”

“Whatever,” Sidney brushed off because yeah, that wasn’t happening. She didn’t want to dwell on that right now and instead looked down at her awesome gold medal. “We totally won gold medals.”

Jonny laughed and slung an arm over her shoulders. “Yeah we did.”

 

Five months later, Sidney watched Jonny win the Stanley Cup. She didn’t expect a phone call a few days later from Jonny. She was already back in Cole Harbour, hanging out with Sam and just kind of hiding from the season. 

“Hey,” Jonny said, sounding a little drunk.

“Still drunk?” asked Sidney. “Am I your drunk dial now, Toews?”

“Nah. I would sober dial you too. Plus I’m only sort of drunk. Post-Cup drunk which means you never really sober up.”

“I remember,” Sidney said with a soft sigh. It had been great winning the Cup. “I don’t think I really sobered up for the next two weeks.”

“Then I have a little while longer,” Jonny laughed. He quieted for a long time before saying, almost hesitantly. “We’re friends, right?”

Sidney furrowed her brow. “I guess so. Yes. We’re friends.”

“I might kind of be in love with Kaner,” Jonny said in a rush.

“Oh.” Sidney stared at the wall thinking about that. “Good?”

“I think it might be.”

“So … what do you want me to say?” asked Sidney awkwardly.

“Go for it?” Jonny sounded about as awkward as she did which made Sidney feel a little better. “Kiss him?”

“Go for it,” Sidney said easily. “Kiss him and tell him that you like him. You don’t just want to have buddy sex before games anymore and you want to have boyfriend sex instead. And tell him to cut the mullet.”

Jonny burst out laughing at that. “Yeah. We’ve already talked about the mullet.”

“How’d I do?” asked Sidney curiously.

“Not bad. I like that you ad-libbed it at the end. You’re really kind of awful at advice aren’t you?”

“I’m kind of emotionally stunted,” Sidney admitted. “But I think it’s a good idea to tell Kane how you feel. Maybe call him Patrick when you do it.”

Jonny laughed again. “Thanks, Sid. Can I give you a piece of advice?”

“Sure,” Sidney said easily. “Give me some drunken advice.”

“I think you’re lying to yourself about Geno. I don’t know your past or anything, but you can’t close yourself off forever. Geno’s a good guy from what I can tell and so you know, he’s not entirely straight. I have it on good word that he’s not picky about the people he likes.”

“Oh,” Sidney murmured. She knew that actually, but she wasn’t going to tell Jonny. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Jonny sighed. “You won’t, but that’s okay. I’ll call and let you know how it goes with Kaner. See you in the fall.”

“We’re taking that Cup back,” Sidney said easily. “Don’t get too used to it.”

Jonny laughed again, “Bye Sid.”

Sidney listened to the dial tone for a moment before hanging up. Jonny wasn’t wrong. She’d been lying to herself about Geno since the first time she met him. Geno was pretty much everything she wanted in a guy. She had slammed the door closed on her feelings pretty early in their friendship because she would never be what Geno wanted.

She would never be the man he saw in front of him. She would just be the scared woman desperately hoping that no one guessed her secret. 

“Fucking Jonny,” Sidney said to no one. This was not what she wanted to think about.

Sam was snoring on the loveseat and Sidney got up, poking her in the side. “C’mon Sam. Let’s go for a run.”

Sam rolled onto her back, stretching her legs up high in the air and giving Sidney a look of dismay.

“It’s either that or I go drink myself into a stupor and listen to sad music,” Sidney said. “Do you want to be responsible for my drunken habits?”

Sam whuffled and rolled back over, curling into a ball. Sidney sighed. Drinking it was.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a rough few weeks so I haven't gotten much writing done. Things are kind of winding down in my brain on this verse. 
> 
> That's not true. My brain is still all about this verse. Now if only I could pluck the thoughts out of my brain and make them appear on the computer screen without actually writing them. For one thing, there would be a lot more sex in this verse, that's for sure.


End file.
